Courage: New Year and Facing Fears

[00:00:00] diane: So, hey, welcome to another episode of Creatives Ignite for the year of 2025. I’m challenging myself to show you my process and face some fears. One of my fears is fear of failure, fear, fear of rejection. And in that there is a fear of success and I have held myself back for too long. So this year. I challenged myself, I can’t tell you how many years I’ve said, oh, I’m gonna do a recording [00:00:30] every month.

[00:00:30] I’m gonna make a video. And it never be is a priority. So I have a hard time making myself or what I want to do a priority. So it’s something I’m doing, I’m forcing myself to do it. I know a lot of people, a lot of my friends are like, nah, you’ll probably just get one recording done a month or, or it’s just over, right?

[00:00:48] It’s over. And I’m like, well, for right now, the. Community live. I am not scheduling it in as something that I’m for sure doing anyway. [00:01:00] I’ve already had a whole episode about that. Not going into this, but I am going to record things about my process. My process as an illustrator. I would like to make money as an illustrator.

[00:01:12] I actually have interviewed a lot of illustrators, a lot of designers, and. There’s so many ways that we can make money, and I think maybe people don’t either know how hard it is or they don’t know all the different things. So I’m gonna show you, I’m gonna [00:01:30] take you through my process and I’m gonna talk about surface pattern design.

[00:01:34] I’m gonna talk about hoping to get licenses going after them, what I did, what happened, getting copyright, all the things that go into it. I’m doing, I am collaborating, so I’m gonna talk about that some. I’m also figuring out my, what I draw. What I make as an illustrator, finding styles that [00:02:00] I’m going to think are mine.

[00:02:02] I’m also gonna show you like, I think some of this is all like one thing. You know, it’s kind of like, okay, this is the journey, the journey that I’m on. I’m taking you along for the, the good and the bad and the ugly. Just like some of the things that I’ll be showing you today. Maybe we’re gonna talk some web stuff at some point, because I’m redesigning two websites, two of my websites, and I’m definitely gonna have videos that are [00:02:30] about exploration.

[00:02:30] They probably won’t be scooched into all one. They’ll be more. Smaller little tidbits. And then there’s gonna be some really short tidbits, tidbit videos that maybe are like things that I’ve dealt with with clients and I hear all the time, um, from other designers or other entrepreneurs. Or it’s something that’s like, here’s a 10 minute, how to set up a workflow in your email.

[00:02:57] You know, setting up a [00:03:00] landing page, creating a form for people to fill out, like things that. Any business can use. But I think as a designer, I come at it from a different perspective. It’s not that hard. If I can do it, you can do it. So I also am gonna have some vlogs kind of like this right here. But it’s really the reflection part that I’ve.

[00:03:24] Been holding back from doing, or the stuff that I was processing. I am a verbal [00:03:30] processor. If you don’t know what that means, that or that, what that is is that means that when I’m working out a problem, it is best for me to talk to somebody. I talk on the phone, I’m working out the problem, or finding solutions as I speak through it.

[00:03:46] Part of that is part of my problem that I don’t. Prioritize myself. I don’t prioritize reflection for myself. I totally do it for clients. Like it. There’s some weird [00:04:00] stuff in my brain that makes it hard for me to do it for me. So part of this year is me forcing myself to reflect. Now I have, I have notes I’ve been writing, so, so I’m trying to.

[00:04:18] I was using certain friends, and I don’t wanna overtax anybody. I don’t know. If you’re a verbal processor, you probably spread it around, but like, my mom was my, my main person, you know, God is [00:04:30] also a huge part of my life and there will be some God talk. So not like I’m preaching at you. I don’t know why I did that with my fist, but, but like, I’m gonna tell you where I’m struggling or what.

[00:04:41] Thank goodness I have Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and I’m not completely alone and I’m, I’m just gonna share some of those things and I’m gonna show you a little later about some things, some things that I’ve figured out about my process. Last year I made all these birds and [00:05:00] doing that bird project, it was with Jenna Blackburn, her 75 art.

[00:05:06] It was like 75 hard, I think is a exercise thing. This was 75 art. It was, the community was freaking awesome. Those people were so encouraging. I was not doing Jenna’s um, uh, prompts at all. I was like, no, I need accountability and I need encouragement. That’s what I need because I’m working through a new type of making.

[00:05:29] And in [00:05:30] those 75 days I made a ton of birds, plenty of videos. Maybe y’all. Can I put it here or it will be here? Whatever. It’ll be in one of those spots and there’ll be a link down below. I’ll put it in the top part, but I’m gonna be talking about how I get in my way. Do you know that I made a ton of patterns?

[00:05:51] Well, not a ton. A ton, really, Diane? A ton. No. I made 12. 12 patterns back in. [00:06:00] 2023 now, my mom died in 2023. I signed up for Bonnie Christine’s immersion. I. Which is great. Love the ladies. I still meet with some of them. It’s about maybe August of 2023 finished these patterns and I have not copyrighted, not that you have to copyright everything.

[00:06:20] Again, something I’m learning, do I, do I really need to copyright every single illustration I do or every, I don’t know. You know what [00:06:30] we’re gonna find out and you’re gonna learn from me right now. I’m, I did because. I needed to go through the process because it was a year and a half and I hadn’t done it.

[00:06:42] So it was like procrastination or, you know, when you keep putting something off and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. It’s like a dust ball. It’s like, I’ll sweep next week, or I’ll sweep tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. And then the dust bunny is [00:07:00] like bigger than your face, so. I, I needed to copyright these.

[00:07:06] You can do 10 at a time. And I, I wanted to, I didn’t do the two main ones. I did, uh, the others, which I’ll show you. I’m gonna show you right now. Here are the patterns. This is just one colorway. You can’t copyright colorways. So this is just one of the colorways. Here’s what it looks like when I actually made them into the little JPEGs that are.

[00:07:27] P and Gs or whatever it is that I [00:07:30] made for, for getting it copyright. So use the motherboard again in the background here. These are old illustrations that I just finally made into something. Wrong way, Diane. And then look at these screws. Are they super fun? That’s my favorite one. And then the motherboard, this is a old illustration that was from.

[00:07:55] Look, he’s got little hearts for antenna. [00:08:00] And then this is just like a coordinate. I am going to explain where I’ve struggled with making hero patterns and coordinates and all that stuff. So the, and then this is just like a ditzy or a blender pattern. Sort of the same kind of oblong thing, but just two color.

[00:08:19] Oh, let me show you this. This what I consider. A robot trail, kinda like poop trail or snail trail. But this is what robots make and I just made it fun. I’ll come back to this one. [00:08:30] These are these gears. And so see this one little thing I thought was kind of fun. Um, I made a whole pattern just with that one little thing.

[00:08:40] ’cause I, again, another kind of ditzy blender. This is maybe more of a coordinate, so it has a few more colors. There’s these like. Screws or I don’t know what those, uh, not a screw, a bolt, I guess. And then some gears, you know, and some other little lights. These [00:09:00] are like lights that light up. Anyway, things that I’m knobs, you know, fun things.

[00:09:05] I think boys would like that. Girls would like that. And then these are robot parts that I made into. Uh, like a flower or a snowflake kind of thing. Looking. Anyway, I think they’re fun. But these are the 10 that I copyrighted. We’ll see. Hopefully they go, okay, that was huge and I got outta my way and I did it.

[00:09:28] It probably [00:09:30] took 30 minutes, 45 minutes also. Um, I was talking to my sister today and I was like, you know, I’m gonna, I think I can come up with some products or sets and maybe then I’ve talked to my friend Dee about this too, is then maybe I go to trade shows and maybe I make some things and I sell some things wholesale.

[00:09:50] Um, I found some other things like I’m going to show you other things that have encouraged me or inspire me. Anyway, that’s part I’m [00:10:00] telling you how I’m learning and what I’m learning from it. So I’m using you as my reflector. I. Hopefully you’re gonna be okay with that. You look great in Chrome, just so you know.

[00:10:11] I mean, not Google Chrome. I mean you look great there too, but I mean like Chrome, you know, like reflective material. Anyway, so I’m gonna tell you about this project that I did with my students process of this one pun plate project that I was working on. I did a whole bunch of puns you’ll see more later, [00:10:30] but for now.

[00:10:31] Here is kind of zooming in. This was like my sketch. This is what I thought. I would have a cup in the middle from the top and a lot of little teacups around the edge. That wasn’t what ended up happening, but I think it’s good to have sketch. And here are some of the, these are the finals, so I’m gonna bring out some of the, all the pieces here and show you what I started.

[00:10:56] This is just a piece of tracing paper. I actually made the. [00:11:00] I painted it all together and I just slipped it in. I didn’t glue it down. Some of the other ones I had glued and I’m not as happy with those.

[00:11:16] I had kind of one template that I worked from. I did, I think. Um, eight total. Um, and I only ended up using six because the two were templates [00:11:30] I ended up having to pick. So I did reverse and I changed where the, um, or I changed the type of little thing that you hold the, I don’t know, the handle. Um, and then I just kind of reversed things.

[00:11:46] So it wasn’t perfect, but they worked. Color palette. Not sure. I love my color palette. Oh, it’s really blinding me out there not helping. And then I just drew on top of the pencil and then I colored with some markers. Again, I’m [00:12:00] figuring things out as I go, and this is kind of how it works. This is what I figured out was a good process and I didn’t glue it down.

[00:12:10] You can kind of see it just slips in, but it just is painted. I’m not sure the painted, um. Tracing paper works for me, but what it is, what it’s, this is the template that I started with. Not this one, but the pink one’s, the one I started with, and it kind of used like kind of thin paper. [00:12:30] But the thinner paper, I thought I would just cut it, but I ended up painting it and then putting it in behind.

[00:12:39] So this was two separate pieces that didn’t work. So I’m figuring things out as I go. I also completely did them, so like with the shading and the pencil, and I thought it was too dark on some, I made more, you know, flowers on others. I’m just working things out. The only thing I didn’t do is paint the.

[00:12:59] [00:13:00] Handles. I did that at the very end and I just kind of made a little template and I just keep my template just in case I want to make something. Again, I made the handles thicker. They were too thin, you know, just figuring a whole bunch of stuff out. Here are all the pieces. So what I did was I had every single other pun had some sort of physical component, like a personified component.

[00:13:26] Well, I didn’t wanna put eyes. On everything. [00:13:30] And I was like, well, I don’t wanna do eyes or a mouth on these. I thought they were really cute kind of by on their own. So I was like, I’m just gonna add legs. Some of some things have arms and you know, it was just a kind of different, but I did them separate so.

[00:13:46] You’ll see that in just a second. But I really like the little leg pieces. I like how abstract they’re, and I was like, Hey, maybe I can make something with these. So that’s my goal this week. I just painted them the same color and I fixed ’em all. Like those [00:14:00] rips and stuff I fix in Photoshop and where I couldn’t cut ’em real well.

[00:14:04] But really this is a process that works really well for me, like having shapes just repeated or reflected shapes. Maybe they’re not exact because I didn’t use a laser, but. I’m creating things and shapes and patterns with physical materials. Maybe this has to do with dyslexia or A DHD, but this really works for me.

[00:14:27] So again, I will do some more of this. [00:14:30] It was fun. I like it. Now I just have to have enough of the shapes. Then I can scan them in and make some things on my own. But for me to start with physical things really was helpful.

[00:14:47] Okay, this is the teabag and I scanned it in. I cleaned it up, me. So then this is just the scan from this. Then I cleaned it up and I had something that kind of looked like this. [00:15:00] I just kept coming back to this one. I liked the way this looked, but uh, for a plate, I thought it was cute. I’m not sold on. The roughly regs.

[00:15:13] I wonder if I could actually iron it and see if it would be better or if maybe I just do an overlay in, in in design or illustrator or whatever and just kind of get that look instead of it having to be a physical something. From there, there was something missing. [00:15:30] I added little feet and I think that worked.

[00:15:34] It was enough simple that connects to the rest of the series, and here is the final. And I really like these little cups. I don’t, um, I don’t think they’re perfect. Um, but I am embracing some of that imperfection. I think it’s fun, it’s reachable. I. Anyway, so that’s where I am on this one. You’re gonna get some of these [00:16:00] with this new style of podcast.

[00:16:05] So I’m out, I’m at my dad’s and I’m walking. It is Christmas day and it’s very quiet. You can hear that it’s quiet. I’ve seen lots of deer already today and, but I wanted to talk about why I have been always putting my stuff on the back [00:16:30] burner, so the thing that I’m fighting the most is myself. So why do I do that?

[00:16:38] Why do you do that? I don’t know. Maybe you don’t do that. Maybe it’s just me. Um. But I think one of the things that I really wanna work on, and hopefully this is not too Blair witchy, you know, I’m just using my arm. I don’t have like a thing selfie stick or whatever. [00:17:00] I am holding myself back because I don’t wanna fail.

[00:17:07] I don’t wanna make something ugly. This is not new. I’ve you. This is, I’ve had this for a while, but I am setting myself up so that I can’t avoid it. And I think that’s the scary part, but also the exciting part [00:17:30] I think. Um.

[00:17:34] I don’t want to get in my own way and I have really been getting in my own way. But the one thing that I haven’t done, I’ve done lots of things for clients and they’ve been super successful, but what I haven’t done is this stuff for me, and I always put something else in front of it. So I always find these little tasks or chores that why?

[00:17:58] Why do I do this? These little tasks or [00:18:00] chores that I think are more. They’re just procrastination from me doing the hard work on me, and it’s not even work that, like, the work that I’m doing for me is not, not fun. It is fun. It is fun work. But why, why do I avoid it? And I, I just think, I don’t wanna fail.

[00:18:28] I don’t think I’m good [00:18:30] enough. But then I look at some of the work that I’ve done and I’m like, well, I see where I can improve. You know, it’s like in my head when I’m in this procrastination mode, it’s that nothing is good and that I can’t do anything. I’m not never gonna be good enough, and that is just not true.

[00:18:53] So I’m having this battle in my head about what. [00:19:00] Well, that’s not true. Like, right. I’m trying to, I’m, and also I think I’ve been such a great cheerleader for other people, but I’ve been sucky cheerleader for me, and I think that that’s something I really wanna work on. So as I think about, okay, well, like. I could have been working on some patterns or doing some other things that I [00:19:30] want to be doing, even just drawing some landscapes.

[00:19:34] That’s something I really wanna do,

[00:19:39] but I haven’t because I think I’m not any good. And I think my style isn’t, people won’t like my style. But how many people have really seen it? Not very many. But like when I’m outside and when I’m here [00:20:00] especially, I just love, I can’t switch it around, but I love this scene, this little windy, you know, as the driveway winds.

[00:20:12] I love this and I love the trees and I love being outside. So being outside really calms my, I’m sorry, inner critic. And that’s something that I need to [00:20:30] use more often.

[00:20:35] It’s okay to be quiet, but I felt very

[00:20:44] alone. Very isolated, but isolated on purpose. I don’t know, like. I mean, I’m not completely alone. You know, I, it is not like I don’t tell anybody anything and I’m a hermit. I [00:21:00] would not live well as a hermit. Um, but I’m just figuring out a new normal. And I realize that I love details. But when you’re doing landscapes, it’s really difficult to do details because man.

[00:21:20] I like see all these little things in this branch and you can’t see it ’cause you’re in the wrong light, but there, and you probably can’t see ’cause it’s just not, [00:21:30] ’cause it’s on the wrong side of the thing anyway. But I, it’s this texture, the texture on the, the branch and that stuff I just really like.

[00:21:41] But as with everything, it’s like I don’t know how to use some of those. Superpowers are tools, so I’m trying to figure that out. But this is some of the stuff I love.

[00:21:58] I’m ready. I [00:22:00] think I’m also, when I come outside, my courage comes back. I can do it. I can go paint. I could paint one thing. I could try to do something in 15 minutes. You know, what can you do in 15 minutes? Some of the people that I really, really admire, they’re just sloping on some stuff and then they draw over it and you can’t even see where they started.

[00:22:24] But why am I so limited by where I was starting? [00:22:30] On a piece, and like I know that my main robot pattern, the hero man, I’m not happy with it and it doesn’t have any sort of grounding. So that’s something that I’ve figured out. That means I could work on it. And I’m not too old. I’m not too short, I’m not too young.

[00:22:57] It is just right and [00:23:00] I’m excited. I feel like boogers are coming outta my nose. Hopefully not. Um,

[00:23:10] can you hear those birds?

[00:23:15] Anyway, I’m excited. Excited to carry you along. I’m excited that you’re here. Anyway, I am looking for advice on. If you don’t want me to walk and carry, if [00:23:30] this is really bad, I need to know. So I don’t do that anymore. And

[00:23:40] if you deal with this like you get in your own way, I wanna know. So I’m not alone. I’m doing this. So you know you’re not alone. I would love to know that I’m not alone.

[00:23:54] Some my favorite trees are here. Blue jay? [00:24:00] Blue Jay, blue Jay, I think blue Jay. They really have kind of a skull. Ah, ah. I don’t think it’s a crow. No. I could use my Cornell, um app. Bird app, which I love. Anyway. It’s free. It’s free app Cornell. Orthology or something. You listen to birds like this, like that, and it [00:24:30] tells you, Hey, this is what you’re hearing.

[00:24:31] I’ve heard all kinds of weird birds here and I’ve learned about birds from that app. I mean, it tells me what it is, and I’m like, I’ve never heard of that bird. And I go inside and I look it up, or I’m reading a Bible study and man, there’s that cowbird. Do you know what a cowbird is? It’ll be part of this new.

[00:24:52] Lonely podcast. Um, not lonely ’cause I’m [00:25:00] lonely, sort of, I guess, but most lonely because I’m alone. I’m not, um, no one else is doing it with me. Uh, I’m not focusing on anybody else. And I think that’s important for me. I. And man, does it feel uncomfortable? Hmm. All right. The end. What I wasn’t doing was that I wasn’t making my [00:25:30] art, my exploration a priority.

[00:25:34] I was only doing it when I had extra time and I was only doing it when I was done with everything else. That was important work. I. And what this is doing, it is making me make time each week to make videos or make art to explain my process. And I [00:26:00] think hopefully it’ll help me. Hopefully it’ll help you.

[00:26:04] This one I really wanna know, what’s the hard work you’ve been avoiding? I’m scared,

[00:26:13] but. The scared and the fear has held me back for a lot of my life, and I’m tired of it holding me back. I don’t want that to be an excuse is the thoughts in my brain. [00:26:30] I actually want to be rejected because I tried and I had cri crappy work. Maybe let’s go for it. Thank you for sticking with me. I’m just kind of painting the picture.

[00:26:44] Expect a video every week. I’m excited to share with you and I just appreciate you being here. I appreciate you sharing this with anybody and I’d love to know if it’s helpful, come join me. [00:27:00] On this journey and let’s learn some stuff and maybe you wanna do a project or two with me. Hit like and subscribe.

[00:27:08] Hit that bell icon so you get notified every time and any suggestions are welcome. See you next week on Creatives Ignite [00:27:30] 2025.