Honoring Your Neurotype with Amy Bryant

Honoring Your Unique Creative Brain without Throwing Yourself Under the Bus of Shame

ADHD and Neurodiversity are the topics this week. This week we are talking with Amy Bryant. Amy is a licensed therapist and has been one of my best friends since I was 13. She has helped many people who are neurodivergent like me understand how to shine and how to navigate this world.

This week in Episode 467 on Wednesday, April 24, 2024 we will be talking about some ways to explain the things “normal people” might not struggle with like: organization and tidiness. She sent me this screen shot she had saved and I thought it was so appropriate!

Brandy shared a few links during the live show, about the wall-of-awful concept, thanks Brandy!

Amy Bryant, MS, EdS, LPC a licensed and board certified mental health therapist dedicated to helping women and emerging adults (age 15+) struggling with social and test anxiety, depression, OCD, High Sensitivity (HSP), overwhelm, self-esteem, chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, and navigating the world with a neurodivergent brain. She also helps parents and professionals who live or work with kids and teens who struggle with OCD, school refusal, suicidal ideation, cutting and other forms of NSSI, anxiety, depression, and trying to figure out their place in the world, plus those who are exploring their sexual and/or gender identity. Amy is LGBTQ+ and Neurodivergent affirming and inclusive, and always learning more.

Questions for Amy

1. Amy, can you give everybody a little background about what you do and who you work with as a professional counselor? 
   
2. Last time we talked about executive functioning skills and how that always confused me about exactly what that means and what it is. This time we are going to talk about how we can better understand our differences and how to navigate it in a world where some people don’t understand.
   
   When I was a designer in the marketing department at a corporate company I had awesome boss Theresa who taught me a lot. We were encouraged to have tidy desks. I spread as I work and tidy was not how I would describe my station. Theresa always had my back though and she would say is it hurting diane’s ability to perform? Is she missing deadlines? The answer was No to all but I was different. I didn’t even notice til years later she told me that.
   
   Is being tidy or orderly an aspect of a lot of neurodivergent people or are we just messy?
   
3. How would you encourage or advise someone in a similar situation?
   
   Honestly I think, is it more important that I do a better job and am on time and serving my client OR is it more important for me to keep my space tidy? I always choose client/deadline.
   
4. Let’s dive into how different neurtotypes organize things like information? spaces?
   
   My brain can feel really scattered and loud. Often I drive in complete silence because my brain is so active and loud it fills the silence and I don’t even notice the lack of radio. 
   
5. Keeping it short today because this is a new series we will be exploring once a month for the rest of the year. What are some ways we can advocate for ourselves?
   
6. What are some adjustments we can make if we need to conform to standards?

Connect with Amy

Website: WildChildCounseling.com

IG: @WildChildATL

FB: https://www.facebook.com/wildchildcounseling/

Email: amy@WildChildCounseling.com

Transcript

[00:00:00] diane: Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of, I was about to say design recharge. It’s really been a long time since I’ve changed it, but I still wanna call it design recharge, but it’s creatives ignite and I’m excited that you’re here today. We’re doing something. We started, um, a couple months ago, Amy, I can’t remember, in February.

[00:00:27] Was it February? Maybe it [00:00:30] was sometime maybe the beginning of March. Sometime. It was sometime, yeah. Mm-Hmm. 2024. Yep. And we, Amy’s been my friend since we were in eighth grade. And, but we have, we’ve grown up a little bit since then. Um, but we’ve known each other a long time and, but she’s a therapist and, um, I get some.

[00:00:53] Great advice, and we’ve talked about a lot of things with executive functioning. That was what we talked [00:01:00] about last time, because I was like, I don’t understand what that is. And just being somebody who has a DHD, um, or, or just somebody who’s thinks differently, um, these, that episode tended to resonate with some people.

[00:01:15] So I was excited and, um, had some suggestions to do more of these. So I asked Amy if she’d be up for it and she said yes. And until she says no, we’re gonna try to do kind of a monthly or every two months [00:01:30] kind of, um, episode. So this is a series where we’re really honoring our neuro type, and that’s what we called this one.

[00:01:37] But we’re really talking about, um, tidiness and the absence may be of tidiness or organization, how, uh, maybe people who are neuro divergent organized things different. I do. Know where things are, like I can tell you exactly where they are. My drawers are really organized, but [00:02:00] the in-between my desk or, um, we’re gonna talk about some of those things.

[00:02:05] I actually just thought that I was just messy, you know, or unorganized. And, um, we talked about some of these things. Um, Amy and I will call, or we do Marco Polo or we text or, um, so this was something she’s like, we could do a whole series on this. I was like, okay, cool. I, I like this. Um, I want to dig into this.

[00:02:29] [00:02:30] So today, this is what we’re doing. This is how if you’re new, I put your in. If you’re watching this, um, on a recording, you can always come live. You just have to sign up for my email list and then you get the link every week. 30 minute warning too. So, but in the, there’s a chat so that you can type in questions and then I’ll have them answered.

[00:02:52] I always answer your questions before my questions, so feel free to put that over in the chat. So Amy just, will you [00:03:00] remind them if they weren’t there for the last one, who you are, where you are and what you do? Sure. So my name’s Amy Bryant. I am a, a psychotherapist in Atlanta, Georgia. While child counseling is the name of my practice.

[00:03:15] Amy Bryant: I used to focus almost exclusively on working with kids and teens. Um, now I work almost exclusively with adults, um, mostly parents. So I work with lots of families who have an [00:03:30] identified wild child. And, um, I also, um, work with adults who feel like they might. Be wild themselves, either ’cause they think they’re disorganized or you know, whatever, whatever story they have in their head about themselves.

[00:03:46] So there’s lots of unpacking about a DHD going on and lots of my conversations. Okay. So do you consider, I knew you when you were a kid. Oh yeah. Do you [00:04:00] think you, sorry about that. No. Do you think we got lots of people here? It’s great to see lots of, uh, lots of names. Um, pop in the chat where you’re coming from so that other people will know, Hey, I’m from Canada too.

[00:04:14] diane: Like Brandy. Okay. So, um, did you think that you were a wild child? So, I would say growing up I worked really hard to not be a wild child, but was [00:04:30] often unsuccessful. I. Because I wanted to talk and I wanted to climb things and I wanted to run to get everything, and I wanted to brush my teeth at the top of the doorway, and I wanted to talk and talk and talk.

[00:04:43] Amy Bryant: I mean, how often we get separated in class because we were talking so, so I would think of you as a wild child, but I don’t really think I was a wild child. Do you think I was a wild child? I wouldn’t say that. I mean, I was talkative. [00:05:00] Yeah. So I wouldn’t say that you, well, you also knew me in my twenties, which might influence.

[00:05:06] diane: Yeah. But I even think you and Jill would go roll people’s houses. And I was like, I can’t do that. Like I would get in trouble and I was a real rule follower and you were like, no, they don’t really apply, but your parents would take you. Let’s go Amy. You know, like, no, I think that’s a difference there.

[00:05:24] Amy Bryant: There were a lot of things that I knew that I wouldn’t get in trouble for, but then there were a lot of things that I would. [00:05:30] Some of those things that I would get in trouble for, I couldn’t necessarily stop myself from doing. Hmm. And sometimes I didn’t even understand why I was in trouble. Like, I don’t understand this rule, or I don’t understand what I did wrong.

[00:05:43] Yeah. Yeah. Right. ’cause there wasn’t really conversations about what to do instead or why this rule makes sense. It was just do the role, you’re in trouble. Right. Right. So, um, yeah. So was I a wild child? Yeah, sure. But you know, I am [00:06:00] remembering the, um, wildcat Diane on the sidelines of the soccer. Okay. I had some wild moments for sure.

[00:06:08] diane: For sure. You did. You did. And I was loud convert. IW yeah. Yeah. So yeah. But not wild in a negative way. I don’t really see wild as negative either. Right, right. So I thought Yeah, right. It does. And we’re talking about some of these things today of how we’re kind of, um, marked in a way. Uh, if, if we think differently, um.

[00:06:29] Uh, it, [00:06:30] Brandi says also, sometimes Wild child is just a non-compliant child. Hundred percent. Or, um, and I gotta say I’m here for the, uh, non-compliant child. Right? There’s a reason for it, right? Yeah. Well, we think differently and a lot of us are Yeah. Um, creatives. And we, we tend to maybe feel like the misfit because we didn’t think the same way we solve problems differently.

[00:06:55] And we were, they, our teachers sort like, no, that’s not how [00:07:00] you do this. And you’re like, yeah, well I got the same answer. I don’t, you know, anyway, but today we’re gonna talk about that stuff and I just wondered if you thought of. And I’d love to know in the chat if you not Amy, I already to ask Amy, but if you, if you’re listening or even even if you’re on YouTube, if you think you’re a wild child, put it down in the chat.

[00:07:22] ’cause I’d love to know. Mm-Hmm. Or in the comments, um, because I’d love to know if you resonate with that or not. And I think one of the things you said, Amy, just a [00:07:30] second ago, is you really tried to be compliant. You tried to be a really good kid, but it did take a lot of effort. Mm-Hmm. And when you were allowed to just be you, there was, you could breathe and it was like, um, the unencumbered could just come out, I guess.

[00:07:52] And, and maybe that’s the part where we are really in our element is when we [00:08:00] can, and maybe that’s wherein we’re in a great state of flow or we’re really in a project that we’re really just totally jiving on. Um. But anyway, I’d love to know. So, uh, we have, uh, yes and nos on, uh, both sides in the chat. So last time we talked about executive functioning skills and how it confused me and I just never dove into it.

[00:08:27] Um, but this time we’re gonna talk [00:08:30] about, um, how we can understand some of the things that make us the way we are and maybe how we can navigate. And the last question, which I won’t an tell you right now, and I hate when people do this, so I’m not gonna do that. Um, so I’m gonna tell you a story about when I was in a, the marketing department at a corporate, uh, company in Denver.

[00:08:53] Um, I didn’t know, uh, that I was messy. I guess I [00:09:00] would spread out when I was working and because I wanted to be able to jump right back in, I left my desk messy. Um. And now my desk is always messy pretty. I mean, I, anyway, but it’s, it was, it seemed like, and I talked about this in something, I don’t remember if it was in an email or if it was in the, one of the write-ups that I did for this, but, or maybe just when I was writing you, Amy.

[00:09:25] But I remember, um, I do [00:09:30] this, I keep it messy, uh, because it takes time for me to get back into the groove. And I think, well, my clients want it fast. They would rather have it on time, and it, it, who cares about the messiness? Um, is, is it more important for me to have it tidy at the end of every day and then slow me down to get started the next moment?

[00:09:55] Or is it really important for me to, um, just [00:10:00] be able to jump in and get going? And for me, I always value the client’s deadline. That’s, that’s, I wanna meet the deadline. Yeah. The fastest. So being tidy, I can close the door at my house if I want. Mm-Hmm. Um, but does that, and I mean, I had an awesome boss, Theresa, you still awesome boss.

[00:10:21] One of the most awesome bosses I ever had. And she, I didn’t even, unbeknownst to me, someone said something to her about my desk [00:10:30] and she’s like, is she not meeting her deadlines? And they were like, no. And they said, um, is her work suffering? You know, is it not as good? And they were like, no. And she said, well then I’m gonna let her keep her desk the way, or it is, you know, who cares?

[00:10:43] Yes. Thank goodness for advocates. I know. Well, and I think that that is something that, because we’re gonna talk about some of the ways that we could advocate for ourselves, but also maybe it somebody under you is like this, and maybe it’s at the end of a project, you need a [00:11:00] wrap up. And that’s part of the, um.

[00:11:04] Part of the, I don’t know, the system or the flow is that you do tidy things up. I know she, when she came over to my house, I made, uh, fried okra and like a foot for me would be a good Southern meal. Um, it wasn’t like other people’s southern meals, but I had fried okra and they, I think all my colleagues were like, oh my gosh, everything is super neat because I had everything super neat at [00:11:30] my house because I wasn’t working on anything there.

[00:11:33] You know, I was just doing that. So it, when we are talking about organization of physical space, what do you see when you are talking to, um, neurodivergent people and they’re having, they’re struggling in this manner. So neurodivergent people can show up in all kinds of ways. Not everybody who is neurodivergent is gonna have a problem with tidiness or messiness.

[00:11:59] Amy Bryant: Some of [00:12:00] them in fact, are gonna be quite neat and tidy and can’t do anything unless they’re neat and tidy. Um, so if we were to talk specifically about A DHD Brains, which I have to put in there, how much I hate the term A DHD because one, we’re not disordered. Um, and it’s not an attention deficit or a hyperactivity, right?

[00:12:22] It’s we can get hyperfocused and the problem is we get hyperfocused on things that we’re working on that are [00:12:30] interesting and there are special interests, and we’re so excited. And then it’s hard for us to pull up and be like, oh, right, I haven’t peed, I haven’t eaten and it’s been seven hours and I was supposed to be home three hours ago.

[00:12:42] Um, and then we can’t necessarily make ourselves engage in other tasks. So. Having an untidy desk could have so many implications. It could be that, like you said, I work better when everything is at my fingertips [00:13:00] when I’ve got, so for me as a therapist, I’ve got my, my little dragon, I’ve got my Play-Doh, I’ve got my headphones, I have a rock, I have water.

[00:13:11] If I’m gonna be in here all day, I have a snack ’cause I’m gonna forget to eat and that’s a mess. So if I had to tidy my desk before E every day, it would make me mad and it would take up energy that I don’t wanna [00:13:30] use. And so I probably would not do it. And then I would feel bad about myself if I thought I was supposed to have a tidy desk, right?

[00:13:38] I don’t know who decided a tidy desk was the way to go. The tidy desk is only the way to go if that’s what you need. No. I come in my office and every once in a while I go, I’m gonna make it look really good in here again. And then it, I do, and it feels so good, but it wouldn’t feel that good. If I did it every day, it would get on my nerves.

[00:13:57] Right? And so you have everything you [00:14:00] need. Having a tidy office isn’t what everybody needs. Having a tidy office can get in the way of creativity. It could use precious energy. Um, there’s no right or wrong. The key is what do you need in your office? And maybe just besides a really amazing advocate, boss may maybe thinking about what works for you.

[00:14:22] diane: Because I think, yeah, when I was in my twenties, I didn’t think about that at all. No, I didn’t even know that was an issue I thought. [00:14:30] I don’t know. I had piles. I was a piler, you know, like there would be piles around. It’s helpful to have another little table or a chair that I can put stuff in and that my cat three’s like, I’d like to get up there.

[00:14:43] And I’m like, no, that is not okay for you. Like it’s gonna fall. Please don’t touch that chair. And he now knows not to get up on the chair. But, but I think this has always been, I don’t know about when I was a real, like [00:15:00] when I was in grade school, I can’t remember. I don’t remember be, I think my parents, you know, wanted us to be, I.

[00:15:06] Pretty clean and tight. I never had, I never got in trouble for having a messy room, but I know that when I was playing, I would wanna keep it and my mom would be like, pick it up. I’m like, I’m gonna come back tomorrow. And she’d be like, I don’t care. So then I had to start over again and it was, I realized that it, I didn’t want because I didn’t want to have to start over.

[00:15:29] [00:15:30] And it, it was the starting was mm-Hmm. Um, just a, a time suck. Mm-Hmm. I guess like, getting it it out 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Well that, getting it back into the groove is a real thing with people for people with a DH brains. I’m gonna leave out the d Okay. Um, it’s a real thing, like it takes time to get in the groove.

[00:15:54] Amy Bryant: And so what can you do to leave your groove out there? I tell parents all the time, if you have a place where your kids [00:16:00] can leave your, their toys out so they can go back and revisit what they were doing. Please try to have that kind of space for them somewhere. Maybe it’s a corner of the room or a corner of the living room.

[00:16:10] Same for us. Can you have it so that you’re ready to move right back into the groove that you were in? So why is that? Um, I mean, I Do other people just go right back into the thing without the mess? Yeah. Some people, absolutely. Some people go, [00:16:30] okay, I finished my project. I’m gonna clean up my desk for the day and I’m gonna leave.

[00:16:34] And then they go, okay, I’m gonna open up my project. I’m gonna, yeah. That’s just how their brain works. I don’t know how, because mine doesn’t, but it’s pretty amazing. So if, and they would look at us and be like, what do you mean? How do you know what’s in that pile and what’s in this pile and what’s in the pile in your lap?

[00:16:52] Why do you have pillows in your lap? Tate says he came back from work a vacation, uh, came back from a [00:17:00] vacation once and has positive, cleaned up his desk and took all his toys away. Oh my goodness. Oh my gosh. No, nobody took my toys away. For sure. That is an overstep. Shame on them. You’re an adult. Abby says, that’s horrible.

[00:17:16] diane: Okay. So horrible. So those are ways in our, um. I understand about a shared space, but if it was my desk, you know, or Yeah, I don’t, I’d kind of, I mean, I clean [00:17:30] up my, the, if I, if it’s like a table and we were all working, I’m gonna clean up the table. I’m gonna clean up, yeah. I’m gonna take stuff back to my, I’m not gonna leave my stuff out another place that I can’t access.

[00:17:43] You know, there’s clearly something wrong with my eye. Um, okay. So, but I didn’t really even think about this like Mm-Hmm. The organization or that it was different or weird. Mm-Hmm. Right. ’cause that’s how you’d [00:18:00] always done it. That’s how you learned to do your work. ’cause that’s what your brain needed. So then, so if a, I, I don’t have kids, so I’m not.

[00:18:09] Uh, it’s fine. But I can imagine that if I was trying to tell one of my students or tell, uh, tell if I had a kid or a kid’s kid or whatever, um, like, well, maybe just keep the stuff out. Is there a place in your, do you have a space that you could keep it out so that you [00:18:30] don’t have to? ’cause it’s a lot of org.

[00:18:32] The organ, getting it set takes a lot of time for me. So when I’m working on those birds, I had specific things out and then I organized like the paper and it was behind me and I had, but everything was kind of out. And now that I’m done with that project, I can kind of clean things up and I’m ready to go to the next project.

[00:18:54] I won’t keep Mm-Hmm. The same things out, I guess. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. But what would [00:19:00] you, what? What would, what could we get someone to advocate for us? Or how can we, if we were a manager of someone, how can we advocate for someone else? If somebody was like, my boss’s boss came over to her and said, Hey, um, oh, he, he quit a month later, Tate said, oh, goodness.

[00:19:22] Yeah. Good for you. Yeah, that’s what I would say. That’s a wonderful way to advocate for yourself, but sometimes we can’t quit. Can’t always quit. No. No. [00:19:30] Right. Absolutely. So I think your boss is a great example, right? Um, I mean, she didn’t even mention it to me. This is years later she comes back. Yeah. So amazing.

[00:19:41] Amy Bryant: But her words are really important. Like, has someone complained about the quality of my work or getting my work in on time? Because if I mess with my process, it’s gonna impact my ability to get things done creatively, to get them done on time and to get them done well. Yeah. [00:20:00] I can’t do my work your way ’cause I have my brain that’s different from yours.

[00:20:06] diane: So one, the one of the things that you had sent me, and this was a while ago. Mm-Hmm. Um, and you had taken the screenshot a while ago. Clearly I need to put some water in my eye. I don’t know. I think, do you wanna take a pause and go wash it? No. Okay. It’s okay. Uh, one of the reasons, um, this is by a DHD angsty, A-N-G-S-T-Y, and clearly they’re British.

[00:20:29] [00:20:30] So maybe I should do with a accent. Um, yeah’s what I wanna hear, one of the reasons, oh, it’s probably a really bad accent. So let me just do me, one of the reasons people don’t recognize A DHD as a disability is that they see a DHD struggles with things like organization, tidiness, timeliness, communication, et cetera, as personal failings.

[00:20:52] And this person said that is ableism. So what, what, so that resonated with me and I just was [00:21:00] like, okay, let’s just tackle organization and tidiness today. Let’s do timeliness. Good communication on another day because mm-Hmm. To me, this is, that’s a, that’s a whole lot. We don’t have enough time for that.

[00:21:11] But so tidiness and organization, I kind of see them loops together. Yeah. Well, here’s the thing. Not everybody who’s a DH is going to struggle with all these things, right? Some people are not gonna have any problem with some of these things, and some of them us are gonna have problems with every single one of [00:21:30] them.

[00:21:31] Amy Bryant: Um, because you can have five a DH people in a room and their skill levels in all these areas are vastly different. They look like totally different profiles from each other, which is brilliant and amazing, and why we have to advocate for ourselves and advocate for our peers and our colleagues and the people working for us, and.

[00:21:52] In my case, advocating for, for students, children, and adolescents. Right. Um, because it’s really ableist to [00:22:00] say, um, you’re morally corrupt or a slacker or lazy. Yeah, lazy was the one term you used. Just because Yeah. Just because you can’t keep your space tidy or you can’t keep your papers organized, especially for young brains.

[00:22:21] They’re gonna grow and develop over time. Are you seeing I’m old Amy. There’s still a tab. I mean, you’re my age. You’re [00:22:30] almost 50. No, I’m, I’m 50 already. I mean, 51. Yeah. Yes. So, um, but thanks. I was still in my forties.

[00:22:42] diane: Of that has, I understand about young brains. So it’s like, um, it hurts the ability for them to move forward and because they think they have to do it this way. And there’s a lot of people who are like, um, frozen because they don’t wanna do something wrong. And so that’s one [00:23:00] reason for sure. Sure. For a younger, which I even somebody in their twenties over into, to be honest, adulthood.

[00:23:04] Yeah. Yeah. Because, and it, it comes with us at 50, we’re afraid of getting in trouble ’cause we’re not keeping our desk tidy. Right. What not Tate. Not Tate, man. We’re, we’re quitting jobs. Tate’s like, I’m outta here. I’m not even with that. Good for you. Luck. Luckily I haven’t had anybody, um, you know, nobody’s, and my office is a mess at school, but I’m like, Hey, my kids are important.

[00:23:29] This stuff is [00:23:30] not as important. I’ll clean it up 100%. You know, priorities. Yeah. Yeah. It, it, it’s, I would rather do the work so when I’m avoiding something, I will clean. Because it is, I really like to have the, like, making things tidy, but I know that it’s avoidance. Uh, so when, if my house gets clean or my office at school gets clean, it’s an avoidance.

[00:23:55] Um, so let me rephrase that for you. ’cause this is an important thing. [00:24:00] Okay. What you’re doing, they call this climbing the wall of awful, you’re working up to doing this non-preferred task, right? And so you’ve, in the back of your brain, you’re thinking, I have to do taxes or whatever it is. Yep. As long as these little drawers are out, that means I still have to do taxes.

[00:24:21] Amy Bryant: Taxes. So it looks like Yep. So you’re thinking in the back of your mind taxes. And in order to get to the taxes, you have to climb the wall of, [00:24:30] of awful. And I think this came from like a YouTube video of A DHD brains or something. I’m sorry. I really should. No, but there, this isn’t my concept, but this idea that sometimes we have to climb the wall of awful so we can get to the awful task where then we go, it wasn’t so awful, but it’s not our preferred task.

[00:24:51] So procrastination. That’s just about, that’s all it is. That’s, this is a non-preferred task and I can’t make my brain [00:25:00] do it, but I can climb the off wall of awful and get there. But so, so I love to vacuum and I love to mow, and I think it has to do with that. I can do it in any way and I can make patterns.

[00:25:13] diane: Um, but I do like it to be clean. Um, but I think that it, so I love to mow, like, I like a real, one of my favorite things. I think Brandy shared the YouTube link. I will get it from Oh, thank you so much. From the chat, and I’ll put [00:25:30] it in the show notes. The, but there’s something about. There is a start and a finish, and I know when it’s done.

[00:25:38] Mm-Hmm. Um, same thing like with vacuuming. I know when it’s done and there’s, um, uh, a other people can tell there it’s done. Right. Yeah. It’s satisfying to see it getting done, but there are chores that never Yeah. If you have animals too, man, it is. Like they are the, they are trying [00:26:00] to make you never be done because they’re just dirty or my cat is dirty anyway.

[00:26:07] Um, only one cat is dirty. Really? It’s three. But like, they, um, it’s just the constant. And maybe people with kids, they’re like always pulling out. You’re never really, but my grandmother, I, I believe she had OCD, she would vacuum every day. She also likes to know OCD is a form of neurodivergence. So, but it helped her [00:26:30] to, um.

[00:26:32] Close the loop. It end the day it, she could go to bed and she could breathe because it was the, everything was done. I love that idea of like, it helped her close the loop. I think that’s why some people tidy their desk. It helps them close the loop and put it right, like I’m not done with the loop. Right.

[00:26:52] Amy Bryant: Sorry. Alright, keep going. Mm-Hmm. No. Yeah, I Not with the loop. Yeah. I wasn’t interrupting. No, no. [00:27:00] I’m seeing, I’m saying I don’t tidy my desk because the, I I’m not at the end of the project. Yeah, 100%. And when I’m finished with the project, I do tidy my desk and wrap up the project. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I work on these huge CEU classes and it is.

[00:27:18] A lot. We’ll just say it’s a lot. And, um, and when I’m done, man, getting it tidied and it’s just like, oh, okay, that is done well. And so if, if I was doing [00:27:30] small projects, I think I would tidy more. Yeah. Probably. Maybe, maybe. Who knows? But the problem, the thing is, is there’s no right or wrong. Yeah. The key is what does your brain need?

[00:27:43] What do you need to be your best self in this situation? And it’s not what everybody tells us. Okay. So, so in that, so how, so say you go to a, um, maybe even even a client and, um, for us that are having our own business, or a [00:28:00] client comes to our space and they’re like, oh, like maybe you need them somewhere.

[00:28:07] diane: Yeah. They see it. And so then I’m a huge advocate for normalizing, I think. It is a fantastic way to begin to normalize the many divergent brains in ways of existing instead of hiding and pretending like there’s one way to be. That’s okay. And so someone [00:28:30] might come into your office and be like, this is my creative process.

[00:28:35] Amy Bryant: This is how I get the dream work done. Here’s a space I’ve created for us so that I don’t interrupt my work and I can keep it the way I need it. We’re gonna meet in the bathroom. Okay. Because it’s the cleanest room in the house. I’ve made up space on the floor. You can sit on the toilet. I’ll sit on the floor.

[00:28:54] diane: Keep your pants up. That would be weird, but, okay. I mean, don’t [00:29:00] really do that. That might not be the best option. Coffee better. But I like, I like I do think about this like in YouTube or people having, um, these like perfect spaces and. Um, you know, used to, I had a curtain behind me. I used to face this wall.

[00:29:17] I have to face the wall. That’s the other thing for me. I do better if you put me by a window. Amy knows. ’cause she was in the room when I was trying to take their, I’m sorry, I’ve got a window here. Yeah. But when I was, when I, the standardized [00:29:30] test, you put me next to a window, I’m avoidant ’cause this test is not fun.

[00:29:35] I’m looking out the window and seeing lots more things and then I’m like, oh crap, I don’t have enough time. I gotta fill in some bubbles. Right? But so I face the wall. There’s a wall here, there’s a wall here. I do have a window, but I don’t really, I can’t, I can’t really look out. I, the curtain’s still there.

[00:29:50] I probably need to take the curtain down. But, um, but I really wanted to face ’cause I wanted some more of the light, but used to, John’s desk was behind mine, so we [00:30:00] had our backs to each other and he didn’t want people seeing him, which is fine. Um, he does exist. Amy was there. Um, but. I think that some people have this like super perfect space that they record in.

[00:30:14] Mm-Hmm. Right. And they’re not letting people in to see. And then it makes us feel like we have to have a perfect setup and a lot of us meet on Zoom, so I know that it can be distracting [00:30:30] because I have a lot of things going on, but it’s just what it is. I think it’s lovely. I like to see your workspace and how you have it organized and how you have it set up.

[00:30:43] Amy Bryant: Like, I think for lots of people looking at how other people have done things while you talk are like, Ooh, I could try that. Well, it’s definitely, I think more interesting visually than a curtain. [00:31:00] Yeah, I think so. I think it looks better myself. Your curtain was fine. It was. It worked. Because John, now I’ve kicked John out.

[00:31:09] diane: He does has, it doesn’t have a desk in here. Um, uh, Ali says it’s more of your personality. I totally agree it’s part of your creativity, but maybe how are we, um, stuffing down some of the things that are, and I’m thinking this to anybody in the, in the chat. Mm-Hmm. How are [00:31:30] you stuffing down? How are you? I mean, sometimes if you have other people in your house, you don’t really want them walking behind you naked, which I’ve pretty much seen during covid with, uh, with kids in their roommates and whatever.

[00:31:46] Yep. Um, but, um, so I get that. But there are comments. People make comments, people make comments about anything that’s different or out of step. Um, if [00:32:00] you have mismatched. Mismatched couches and chairs, it’s super colorful. People will, some people will respond negatively, but you just have to, um, say, this is who I am.

[00:32:15] So how would you, if you’re starting to feel bad about showing your mess or that you’re super colorful and, um, other people are judging you, what can you say to [00:32:30] yourself in situations like that? Are you asking me or the people? Yeah, you, I’m asking you, you’re the professional. Okay. I mean, for me, this is about getting really clear about our values.

[00:32:44] Amy Bryant: What is important to me, right? Is it important to me, this person’s opinion? Like, I might hear their opinion and go, is that important to me? Um, and in which case, in that opinion, I’d be like, oh, that’s just their own personal preference. That’s not a [00:33:00] valued judgment of who I am as a person. Or that’s just them having limited knowledge about my neurodivergent brain.

[00:33:10] It’s not my job to educate them or please them. I can be a little sassy and wild about it though, in my own head. Right. Like, um, generally speaking though, I actually really like people even with their, you know, own sassy opinions about me. Um, the clear, the important thing is, is like you said, [00:33:30] like it’s more important to me to be able to move into my space, getting back into the groove so I can get my work done for my clients.

[00:33:37] Yeah. And that’s what’s important. And so you’re gonna get, like, right, your nervous system’s going to be activated and you, you might feel insecure, you might feel, you know, questioning your worth. You might feel, what’s that? Um, this is an A DHD trait where you can’t, a DH trait where you can’t come up with a word sometimes.

[00:33:57] Um. [00:34:00] Imposter syndrome. There it is, right? All that stuff can come up. And when it does, this is where we are kind to ourselves and go, okay, these are feelings and I will explore ’em. Am I not, am I an imposter? Because I can’t remember imposter syndrome. No. I still know stuff. That’s just how my brain works.

[00:34:20] Am I, um, am I a bad worker because my stuff is messy? No, it actually makes me a good worker. You know, like, [00:34:30] do I have bad taste because of the couch and the chair? No, I, I actually quite like them. Okay. Right. And so then it’s just taking that moment to pause and ask ourselves like, I’m having feelings or worries or concerns.

[00:34:47] Um, and so then, right then you’re sitting on your truth. I like my couches. I have, you know, however many years of experience in, in my field and I’m constantly learning, or, you know, my clients [00:35:00] are really happy and they pay their bills and hire me again. You know? Okay. So I, I wanna dive into this couch thing.

[00:35:07] diane: Okay. So say it is, you are being bold and you are buying this really colorful couch orange that you, okay. Okay. It’s orange couch. Mm-Hmm. Maybe it’s multicolor. I have no idea. But it is, you know, it feels like, ugh, this is what I’ve been wanting. Like, gives you chills. You see it and you’re [00:35:30] like, ah. But then you also, at the same time, ’cause I know I’ve experienced it, not with my couch, but I wish I had a colorful couch.

[00:35:38] Mm-Hmm. Um, but the, it’s almost shame. Because other people won’t understand. And to be honest, that’s what this whole thing is, is that, yeah, it, that couch makes me feel happy, but it will make other people uncomfortable. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. [00:36:00] It’s really hard to let people sit in their own discomfort. Yeah.

[00:36:05] Amy Bryant: Especially for those of us who were taught to make everybody around us feel comfortable at our own expense. And that’s what often we choose because it’s easier for us to be uncomfortable than someone else to be uncomfortable because we think we’re supposed to self-sacrifice. We’re sacrificing our energy, we’re sacrificing our [00:36:30] joy, we’re sacrificing our connection, our heart connection to others.

[00:36:34] Not the people pleasing, but like how are we heart connected? Like you, Diane, and I imagine everybody here listening, who knows you, knows you have a heart connection to people. And when they get to know you, they’re not gonna care about the couch. Oh, I’m so happy about knowing you. Are you getting choked up?

[00:36:53] I did. I got choked up thinking about your heart connection. Do you want my tissue? I only have one, [00:37:00] so we’ll just both have to accuse it. So I think for me, I didn’t even know in my twenties that, that I was even being messy, to be honest. Right? No, it was not on your radar. It wasn’t on my radar. Um, you had to be taught that by someone else who was judging what it means to be quote unquote messy.

[00:37:24] Yeah. Right. And I mean, I feel like even Amy and I played soccer. Amy [00:37:30] was like star, she got a soccer scholarship. I was better on the bench one time I caught the ball with my face and they were like, do you wanna sit back? I’m like, I’m good on the bench. I’m, yeah, I was a better cheerleader, but I knew where I had strength.

[00:37:50] diane: Um, I do feel like we, I, I tend to, and maybe it is just people pleasing, but I mean, I feel like as a [00:38:00] designer, that’s what we’re doing. We’re we are pleasing these other, um, the client and we’re trying to guide them in what’s best for the reader or for the viewer or for their customer, um, to get them the more money or the more sales or the more people to go their education, whatever.

[00:38:20] Um. But sometimes they don’t. And then we just have to do the people pleasing and it doesn’t end up in our, uh, portfolio because it isn’t, it [00:38:30] isn’t the couch that we thought would be the best for them and that the research that we did told us that their clients, their customers would want that orange couch or whatever.

[00:38:39] Right. I do think that there’s some acceptance, and I don’t know if it’s just the way we were raised, ’cause me and Amy were raised similarly, um, is that we struggled with this and now we’re coming into, um, I’m, I’m good with the mess and there’s certain things that I haven’t [00:39:00] processed through because I’m not ready to process through.

[00:39:03] So it’s a pile over there and it, I see it, I know I need to get to it, but I’m not ready to do it yet. Kind of like the, the wall of whatever you call it. Yeah. The wall of awful. I do think it’s sometimes it’s about us being okay. And being bold, being courageous and having, so I think my blue glasses, uh, will, isn’t here, but he is the, my [00:39:30] family all, were like, you are not gonna wear those out, are you?

[00:39:34] And I wore them to a Bible study and Will, will was like, I like you’re rocking those glasses. And I mean, John was like, oh my, the blue blockers no kisses for Diane with those blue things on you. Right. And then I have red ones. He is like the red rockers. Those are good. Right? Um, the red are now for driving.

[00:39:53] Those are my, that’s how I tell, I have color distance ones are for the red. Um, [00:40:00] but I think that when he said, and I mean I love my friend Will, but really it was just that one person saying, I really like those, they’re, those are good. I was like, okay, I’m gonna wear the blue. I really like the blue glasses.

[00:40:15] I’m gonna wear the. And it, I mean, everything else will wears is black. You know, like, I mean, I’m wearing black today, but I have on, uh, pink shorts. So I think having one person say, [00:40:30] Hey, it’s okay. I really like that crazy couch is really all sometimes you need Yeah. Agree. It’s to be able to go and do the whole thing.

[00:40:39] So, and there are some people who are super close to me that I really admire or really value their opinion and they did not like the blue glasses. But one person who I do value, maybe not, I mean, will you dress great, but you wear a lot of black buddy? Um, but it’s like, I’m [00:41:00] not taking fashion advice, but just that he thought it was okay.

[00:41:05] I was like, you know what, that’s all I need. So Will believing in me allowed me to wear blue glasses forever? Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Because I had lots of other colored glasses. Anyway, back to you. Having a little bit of confirmation can be helpful. Right? But the question is, why, why, what? And I am totally guilty of this, guilty of this as if I’m doing something wrong.

[00:41:28] Amy Bryant: I totally struggle with this too. [00:41:30] That is it okay if I wear this, is it okay if I have on this green shirt with my pink pants? Right? I, I don’t really know, but I like it. Um, yeah, it’s, it’s an interesting thing and sometimes just noticing, while I really like these glasses and I’m feeling a little bit insecure about wearing them, but I’m gonna wear ’em anyway, or, oh, gosh, no.

[00:41:57] I, I think I’m not. Can we do [00:42:00] that for ourselves? Yeah. I’ve, can we, I, I, can we show up for ourselves? Can we leave our stuff out even though it might make someone else uncomfortable? And can we trust that they’re gonna be okay? A little discomfort around how someone else lives or keeps their stuff or wears their glasses.

[00:42:18] I think they can probably handle it. We’re not torturing them. Literally torturing them. So Brandi has a good comment. She’s in the middle of a move. They are her husband’s in the military in Canada, [00:42:30] and, um, they have to, they’re gonna rent their house. And, um, on top of the legit required fixes and renovations, all the yucky stupid rules of engagement about layout, decor, et cetera.

[00:42:46] diane: Um, in prep for being show ready. Ugh. Yeah, just the whole term show ready gets me, um, yeah, I’m with you Brandy. Um, which is a requirement to making sure that it RINs again, you’re reaching to more [00:43:00] people. Um, and I get to move to meet my partner in a timely manner, but oof, it’s heavier because of all the baggage.

[00:43:08] Amy Bryant: Yeah. Kind of takes the fun out of it, but you won’t be living there, so maybe it won’t matter. Yeah, well she’ll be, she’ll come back to it and then she can make it whatever she wants. Yeah. Then I also think like she has this awesome dark wall in her office. I mean, beautiful. I think it’s a dark gray, blue, [00:43:30] gray color.

[00:43:30] diane: Brandy, I’m, I haven’t, I can’t see the current chat ’cause I wanna make sure I get the other people’s to talk to. Um, but like, I think that’s an okay color, maybe one. And you could tell them that they could paint, you know, like you can paint when they, I mean again, which is faster to get it rented. Are you renting to more people who think differently or are people gonna be okay with the bold?

[00:43:54] I guess it’s how much time? ’cause you got a little one. So do you have anything to say anymore about that one? [00:44:00] And I’ll go on to all’s. Amy do? No, I’m good. Okay. Okay. So Allie says, for me, it’s a lot easier to present what’s more comfortable for them because I get to protect the real ooh, protect the real me.

[00:44:14] That’s really good insight. More comfortable for them, more comfortable for me. That protection piece is hard when we feel like we have to protect ourselves. Um, and some of us can consistently do it. Some of us who [00:44:30] are a little more impulsive might find ourselves exposing our real selves to people. And then how do we get comfortable with people knowing some, some parts of us, but sure.

[00:44:41] Amy Bryant: I think most of us probably are protecting ourselves in some ways. Well, and when, when does it get to be? I, somebody, I was on a call earlier and somebody was talking about being, um. Online and they don’t feel like they’re very, [00:45:00] they feel like they’re very monotone and she says she has a resting bitch face and she’s just, you know, and she did kind of have monotone, but you know, there, so as also happens when we’re nervous also, right?

[00:45:14] diane: Yeah. Right. But it’s like, it’s just, sometimes it’s practice, but maybe that’s just who you are and it’s Okay. Yeah. To be monotone. I think it’s the face stuff. If you’re, if people know, [00:45:30] um, then you can preface that, you know, Hey, I just want you to know, I kind of have just this resting face. Mm-Hmm. I’m not reacting to what you’re saying.

[00:45:40] Right. I think that’s so important because we can’t control if we have a flat affect or a monotone voice. We can demand that we’re gonna be treated respectfully and with kindness, and we could say, I’m gonna make sure that you understand how excited I am or how not [00:46:00] excited I am with my words. I love that.

[00:46:02] Yes, there is the way to convey it. Start that, start the conversation in that way maybe. Yeah. When I do CEU classes, I say, what’s CU? So people know, I say continuing education classes. Sometimes I’ll go, I have notes. I say, you continuing education unit, or something like that. Oh, I was like educated. Um, okay.

[00:46:26] Amy Bryant: Yeah. And so I’ll say, uh, you know, [00:46:30] like sometimes when I’m talking I’ll lose my breath. That’s just what my body does. Or sometimes my, my attention will wander, so I might pull something out or I might start rocking to get back into my body. Like just owning our stuff that we need, you know? Yeah. And, and I think sometimes like with the couch or with the blue glasses or, uh, Brandi was saying sometimes it’s just one person to check your gut.

[00:46:58] diane: You already loved [00:47:00] X and X. Um, this was just like, you haven’t broken an essential law of the universe one. But I like that you can just say no, that some people might not like this, but actually if you, I think about little kids, they’re never like, oh, I hope so. And I never remember thinking as a under 10-year-old, um, oh, I hope so and so likes me.

[00:47:26] Like, I would be like, oh my gosh, have you tried this gum? This gum [00:47:30] is awesome. You know, like the, you know, like it was later. That’s also part of your neurology, though. Some kids very much have it on their radar at very young ages, so and so doesn’t like me, so and so does. Oh, that sucks. But you, it’s so hard.

[00:47:49] Amy Bryant: It’s so hard. Yeah. Yeah. But I think this is a part of, I have the same, my neurology protected me in that same way. I was [00:48:00] absolutely oblivious to whether or not someone liked or didn’t like me when I was in elementary school, other than teachers. I knew when teachers didn’t like me. But I mean, what if you liked something like you liked gum, this one particular kind of gum and you were just sharing it.

[00:48:19] diane: Yeah, I was, Mm-Hmm. Right? Like you’re just sharing it and it’s the energy that people are like, I mean, I’m sure there’s some things that you made me try that. I was [00:48:30] like, I don’t like that. I mean, you, there were candy that you liked, and I was like, yeah, that’s not for me. But it didn’t mean that I didn’t like you.

[00:48:38] Amy Bryant: I was, Hey, more for you, Amy. Make me some of that cookie dough. You know, it was probably cinnamon and pearls. Yeah. I didn’t like cinnamon. Yeah. So that was probably it. That was my favorite. Cinnamon and pearls imperial. So like these big red hard cinnamon sauce. You can have all those. I probably don’t eat them anymore.

[00:48:58] I probably wouldn’t like ’em, but [00:49:00] man, I could eat them all the time. Okay. So feel them. So I think, I think that, um, there’s some, I, this little girl, Sophie, which she makes these, um, grumpy frog. Oh, I love those. Oh my gosh. I have, this is a new one for the fall, for a sticker. Happy fall. I hope to get her on the fall.

[00:49:22] diane: She’s nine. I think she’s nine. She was like, who I sat across from at, um, creative [00:49:30] South last year. Um, when the one night that I was there and my mom had died and I just talked to Sophie, and Sophie was awesome, but I think about how awesome Sophie is and she’s just telling you about her grumpy frog and, um, she’s just passionate about it.

[00:49:48] To me, I get on board ’cause she’s passionate about it, you know? I mean, frogs are not my favorite, but I love her frog, you know? Mm-Hmm. Well, what’s interesting [00:50:00] though is some people’s passion will make other people shut down ’cause of how their brain works. What do you mean? Some people, if you join, if you bring your passion and joy to them, their brain reads it as danger and they’ll shut down and they can’t take it in or join you in your excitement.

[00:50:22] Like, what would that look like with a CI know me and Brandi are both like, yeah. So, um, with i, [00:50:30] with a client, you would know, you would see that, so a adult brains can handle a lot more right. Than a child’s brain and nervous system and body. But if you were super excited and you approached a child who was not at that energy level, even a teenager, I mean, I got about five teenagers in my brain right now that I can think of would do this, where if you came with your excitement about this project, they [00:51:00] might move into a freeze state.

[00:51:02] Amy Bryant: Because why though? So what it, so do we need to TI You don’t have. No, I don’t think you have to. I think for one thing, I know you, you would be like, oh, that shut them down. And you would, you’re, I’ve seen you do it. Your body naturally does this. Like, and then you go, oh, like I can even like see and hear you.

[00:51:25] Oh, I, and then you would say it to them [00:51:30] differently. Um, so yeah, so I, so it’s fascinating, right? That is like, you have just stopped the internet for us. Yeah. Like I, I, I guess I usually think people I, but again, I’m just thinking about what’s worked for me. Yeah. And it doesn’t always work for, so Allie has a question, um, in our last six minutes.

[00:51:59] diane: Did you see [00:52:00] how quick I did that math? Whoop, whoop math wizard? Um, not really, but you’re math modest. Yeah. That’s amazing. Not really, but Okay. How do you check your distortions in the language that you, you, you talk about yourself? Um, I feel like a lot of it’s internal dialogue, so it’s not always obvious that’s, that it’s a distortion.

[00:52:20] This is a great question. I know therapy definitely helps call it out, but what practices can, or what practices help you outside of that? The [00:52:30] first thing you wanna do is notice when you’re having negative self-talk, is there a way to do that? ’cause sometimes it’s happening so often that you don’t even notice.

[00:52:40] Is there a way to start noticing there’s, there’s, the only way to start noticing is to say, I’m gonna see, what am I saying to myself internally? And then there’s no way to make yourself do it, but it’s like climbing the wall of awful. Eventually you get to the. To the taxes. And so you might be going, oh, [00:53:00] I didn’t get that project done.

[00:53:01] Amy Bryant: And then you go, oh, I’m a bad person. I’m such a slacker. I am a such a procrastinator. I just need to try harder. Those are the things you’re looking for. Are you, are you saying things to yourself That I would say to Diane. Oh, right. And then what you’re saying to yourself is something I, I’m just using me and Diane.

[00:53:21] ’cause I can, it’s something I would never say to Diane. That’s when you probably have a cognitive distortion. If you have negative [00:53:30] self-talk. It is almost always, I can’t think of a time when it’s not a cognitive distortion. It’s often rooted in ableism or in, in something someone told you when you were younger, when they had expectations that were unrealistic.

[00:53:48] Um, and they had their own cognitive distortions about who you should or shouldn’t be. So, like Tate says, negative self-talk is 24 7. And I feel like I have done a [00:54:00] lot of work in the last maybe six years on Mm-Hmm. My negative self-talk. And some of it was like, think of one instance where you talk about yourself negative, like a situation that happens like at the end of a project or, um, anything that is regularly happening.

[00:54:21] diane: Mm-Hmm. Maybe it’s when you put your clothes on or, uh, I mean maybe not that regular, but you know, maybe it’s, um, I don’t know what it’s every time you’re driving in the car or [00:54:30] whatever. Yeah. It, it is something that is repeatable. Mm-Hmm. And then you start you, because I need something to notice, I need something.

[00:54:39] Mm-Hmm. That happens maybe every day, but it doesn’t happen seven times during the day because I’ll just forget. But I know that, uh, like I. Ally’s husband does. Uh, mindful re he, well, he used to, when he was in school, he had a alarm and it was like, oh, that’s my mindfulness. I just need to remember to be mindful.

[00:54:59] [00:55:00] I even think that could be one way of like starting to retrain like, what have I just said to myself? But why I try to tack it onto something that I’ve, um, am doing on a regular basis. Like if I meet a new friend, one of the worst things that I tend to do now is I, and I’ve always done it, but now I’m working on this, is that I, if I’ve said something that mm-hmm, probably was not the best.

[00:55:28] Because I didn’t just, [00:55:30] you know, it just came out. Yes, I know, me too, man. And, and then I replay and I’m like, oh, the replay is so terrible and mean. And it is like, Mm-Hmm. I am terrible. I am never gonna open my mouth up again. Mm-Hmm. This situation, nobody ever said anything, but it was terrible what I said, you know?

[00:55:48] Yes. Or I think it was terrible. Maybe nobody else thought it was terrible. Mm-Hmm. But that is a situation that I know I still really struggle with. Mm-Hmm. So when I’m in that situ, it doesn’t happen all that often. Thankfully, [00:56:00] I’m okay with most of the things I say. Um, yeah. But in that, that situation is one that I can be like, ooh.

[00:56:07] Was it? Was it really? Yeah. Was it? Okay. Well, so I think that, here’s the thing. So where do you know you’re going to ruminate or have that replay or perseverate on something? Sometimes. Who Perseverate? What’s that mean? Perseverate. It means ruminate or replay or, okay. Go over and over and over again. Um, so, [00:56:30] um, like, like if you are somewhere where, like, my, my folks always have the TV on.

[00:56:36] Amy Bryant: I can’t do that. I need the TV off. And so I know. If I’m sitting on the couch not doing anything at all, I’m probably ruminating about something and then I go, okay, wait, what? So I’m stuck here. I can’t get energized to do anything. What’s going on? Oh, I’m ruminating on this conversation I had with my friend yesterday, and I feel like I stuck my foot in my mouth and, [00:57:00] um, gosh, I’m such a jerk and I’m never gonna talk.

[00:57:03] It’s the same thing, right? It’s the same thing. And then I go, okay, hold on a second. So, um, YI said, that was my intention to be hurtful was I, do I need to check in with them? I can check in with them. Am I being unkind to myself? I often blurt things out and I’m funny, or I’m insightful, or I am whatever.

[00:57:27] Usually in the moment if I say something and I’ve [00:57:30] put my foot in the mouth, I’ll go, oh my God, that came out wrong. Right? I do do that sometimes. Um. It’s about interrupting the thought. And here’s the thing, A lot of times this is less about about a DH and more about anxiety. And then when we allow ourselves to sit and think and think and think, and negative self-talk and negative self-talk and not gonna self-talk.

[00:57:57] We’re feeding anxiety and we’re making it go [00:58:00] on and on and on. Yeah. Um, therapy can be super helpful, but also meditation, like a walking meditation. Um, having a mantra, coming up with a mantra. I’m not perfect, but I’m good enough and good enough is good enough, you know, um, saying I love myself and I don’t have to be perfect.

[00:58:22] Diane loves me. She doesn’t think I have to be perfect. My dog loves me, my teenager loves [00:58:30] me, even if she doesn’t always like me. You know, like whatever that is. Really connecting yourself to the truth. Because thoughts aren’t always the truth. Fear isn’t always the truth either. Fear is usually what’s behind it.

[00:58:47] And fear tries to keep us safe, but sometimes fear is wrong. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. All right, Amy. Well, we have lots, uh, to do for next time we can. Yeah. Uh, do communication, because I don’t [00:59:00] really, I mean, I guess we sort of are getting into maybe a little bit, bit of the communication. What was the other one?

[00:59:05] diane: Communication and timeliness. Timeliness. Yeah. That’s perfect. Uh, I don’t know if we’ll do those together. We’ll, let’s do communication next. How about that? Sounds good. Um, so I said I have six questions. We didn’t even get dossed, but anyway, I said, keeping it short today, because this is a new series we’ll be exploring once a month for the [00:59:30] rest of the year.

[00:59:30] Um, what are some ways we can advocate for ourselves? Hopefully you guys understand and know some ways that you can advocate for yourselves, or that maybe you need to think about somebody who’s under you that you, that you can help them advocate or help them to process how they think or maybe it’s just their creative process.

[00:59:49] Hey, can I give three quick ways to advocate for yourself, please? Some things that are gonna be really helpful is saying, I need a deadline for me to get this accomplished. Let someone give you a [01:00:00] deadline. Um, I’ll need someone else to take notes from me while I talk, right? Um, I’ll need an email with bullet points, with exactly what you want from me.

[01:00:11] That’s really good for clients. Yeah. Or you could, if a client’s like, I don’t want this recorded, you could say, Hey, I really need to record this so that I can take notes of all the things that I need to do for you. ’cause I’m gonna come back and transcribe this because I’ve had some people are like, I don’t want this recorded.

[01:00:27] I’m like, well, do you want me to do the job? [01:00:30] Yeah. Cost you another two grand if I can’t record it. No, I’m kidding. See, I’m gonna hire somebody. Right. Alright, so what if somebody, um, like Tate, I know Tate’s gone, but um, ’cause he had to go, but what are some adjustments real quick that we can make if we need to conform to standards?

[01:00:49] Yeah, so you need to really figure out what stresses you out. What, like, sort of pushes you over the edge. So if I’m trying to do like seven [01:01:00] projects at once, I can’t do it. I have to like work on something, stop work on something, or work on two things. Not exactly like that. But I can’t have a lot of people talking to me while I’m working on a project.

[01:01:13] Amy Bryant: And so know what stresses you out. And then the alternative to that is what regulates you, what makes you feel calm in your mind and your body. So I can talk for client with clients all day if I’m playing with putty. Um. I can make myself [01:01:30] laugh when I look at the dragon, dragon, uh, dragon laughter regulates me having some sort of sensory input regulates me.

[01:01:38] Um, um, what kind of supports do you need if you know you’re about to do a really, something that’s hard for you that you have to do to conform to whatever the expectation is, what supports can you have around you? So, um, for me, I need a snack near me. I have to have something tastier than water to [01:02:00] drink, um, lemonade or hot tea or whatever.

[01:02:03] I need a sensory experience around me to keep doing the task for tasks I really hate. I sit in front of the tv, I get my computer in front of me, and I start watching TV and then eventually start doing the task, and then I get immersed in the task. It is without a doubt, the best thing I have to do to do tasks I hate.

[01:02:25] Um. Which sounds counterintuitive. It could go either way. I could [01:02:30] technically get lost watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer instead of doing my taxes, but often that’s not how it works. Um, for me. I love that idea. So it could be how you take notes if we are taking notes with a client, if I need to make sure that I’m being quiet Mm-Hmm.

[01:02:47] diane: Um, I need to write the answers down. Yeah. I found that when I was, uh, doing groups or facilitations instead, I don’t always, my students would disagree with me that I’m always like, and do this, and [01:03:00] I do do that at school. But yeah, I try to just write down the answers or the questions that I would really like to send Brandy if Brandy’s doing something or, you know what I mean?

[01:03:08] Yeah. Like, um, those, those are the things that, um, help. Help me, but I think yeah, it could be drawing, it could, I know one of my colleagues always draws during Mm-Hmm. I mean, we’re in arts department, but, Mm-Hmm. Like, he’s always, if he, I think he would not be feel comfortable if [01:03:30] somebody told him to sit. My mom used to no, not want me to shake my leg, you know?

[01:03:35] Yeah. And, um. So we have That’s that’s how you regulated yourself. Yeah. And so we have these tables at school that you can’t see anybody’s legs. And I’m just buh BBI don’t notice that I’m really doing it, but I think moving is an important part of Mm-Hmm. Chewing anything Gum. Chewing gum is a great way for people who are a DH to regulate.

[01:03:57] Amy Bryant: It really helps them like pay [01:04:00] attention and concentrate. Not across the board, but just throwing it out there. It’s a great way for a lot of people to, to regulate and concentrate. And then also, I can’t emphasize enough that self-compassion, self-kindness piece. When you notice your, you’ve got this negative diatribe in your hot head, remind yourself that it gets in the way of creativity.

[01:04:20] It gets in, it sucks up your energy. It gets in the way of you knowing your true self. ’cause at your core, you’re a good, [01:04:30] your, your true self is good. I do think when you’re trying to be more comfortable with being you, so instead of being always in protect mode, finding someone who can respond to you.

[01:04:44] diane: Mm-Hmm. And you could say, Hey, I’m gonna try something new. Um, I need, I need some positive response. Um, just asking for what you need from that person. And then maybe it’s, I don’t know if that’s a good way or not, [01:05:00] but Yeah. Just testing with people, telling someone what you need. Absolutely. Yeah. But I don’t know if you’d really feel com confident after if somebody was like a force.

[01:05:10] Like, do I look pretty? Yeah. I need you to tell me I look pretty. Okay. I mean, that’s when John’s like, you look pretty. I’m like, that doesn’t do anything for me. I think it’s hard. Like I, I would say I’m feeling insecure about this. Can I run something by you? It’s a good way [01:05:30] to do it. Yeah. Amy, I’m gonna share all the ways.

[01:05:36] Oh, go ahead. I let Abby loves this topic and Me too, Abby. So I’m just gonna share ways that you guys can connect with Amy and she’ll be back on sometime, hopefully in May. And maybe we could do one live together. That would be, that would be fun. Yeah. I could come sit by you. You could come be in my office.

[01:05:58] Yeah, bring [01:06:00] my camera and my microphone. We could talking too. Yeah. Anyway, um, next, we, so tomorrow I am feeling insecure about the last workshop and I just, um, so we are gonna do a workshop. It may just be me teaching, and, um, that is it. Um, that is tomorrow. It is the founder story. And if for some reason I think I’ll, I’ll be able to, I.

[01:06:28] I’m gonna do it, it’s gonna be fine. [01:06:30] Um, but then the next week I’m doing kind of a wrap up of my birds and to show you what I learned and reflect on that. And then we start a new, a new series. This, we’ve done the series before. It’s about your inspirations. I’ve just really found seeing someone else’s inspirations and how that has affected their work and what they’ve done.

[01:06:52] Um, so Ryan Ko, I don’t know how to say Ryan’s last name. K-O-U-G-H-I think. [01:07:00] Yep. Um, I’ve talked to her, but I just never asked her to say her last name for me. But she’s gonna be on in May 8th. So May 1st, which is next Wednesday. That is Freedom Day to the, for me. I’m done with classes and I’m really excited.

[01:07:14] So, um, I’m just gonna be off one week in May, but maybe Amy May me, and you can do something that day, but we’ll talk about it. I’d love that. Okay. And hap happy birthday. Thank you. Let me read off how people can get in touch with you just in [01:07:30] case people are listening. So wild child counseling.com. And if you’re on Instagram, that’s a website.

[01:07:38] the.com should have given that away, but whatever. Um, Instagram at Wild Child, a TL ’cause she’s in Atlanta. People and then Facebook. Um, and you do things online, you would do, I think, right? You do counseling online. So it’s not like people have to be in Atlanta to be counseled. And then Facebook, uh, [01:08:00] facebook.com/wa.

[01:08:02] I can’t even speak. Wild Child Counseling. That is a tongue twister a little bit. Yeah. Wild Child Counseling slash Wild Child Counseling facebook.com/wild. Wild child counseling. What is wrong with me? And you can email Amy at amy@wildchildcounseling.com. And if you want, um, you can always under here, there’s, um, underneath Amy’s links is the show notes where the transcription is there.

[01:08:29] [01:08:30] And just thank you guys for being here. Thank you for being bold and asking questions. And Christy, I hope you come back, Kelby. Um, I’m excited that you’re here and, um, I’m just excited that y’all stuck around and I will hopefully see you, uh, tomorrow. If you wanna come for the workshop, send me an email today then that way I know that you want to come, you don’t have to be on camera, but that you’re just, that’s the encouragement to me, Diane.

[01:08:57] Yes, please do this tomorrow, but if [01:09:00] not, it’s no big deal too. It’s no big deal. Um, and I just will be happy to see you guys next week and I will wrap up my birds. I mean, literally wrapping him up. But anyway, the end. I’m gonna hit stop. Amy, do you want anything to say at the end? Hi everybody. Thanks for being [01:09:30] here.